significant others, love, and all that

since we were young, i think we all had the preconceived notion that we would be falling in love with the right person, finding prince charming, getting married, having kids, and being successful at whatever we put our hearts to.

even nowadays, we talk about how many kids we want, if we want girls or boys, and what their names are going to be. we talk about our ideal wedding, the cake, the colors, the decor. we'll talk about our future homes, the picket fences, the household pets.

but really, how is everyone so sure that whatever they're dreaming about will happen?

honestly, i'm getting skeptical.

in actuality, i don't plan on getting married, and i don't want to have kids.

i don't think i'm the type of person to rely my entire life on someone else's. I don't want to completely devote entirely what I am to one person, and if anything ever happens, to be absolutely broken. (Don't get me wrong, I am undividedly against cheating and being unfaithful, but I just mean throwing all of myself into a relationship without reserving anything)

I just want to be happy, and I'm not sure if I will be, being alone, but maybe marriage just isn't the answer for me. Permanently tying myself to someone kind of reflects that complete dependance that I fear and want to avoid.


i had dinner with a friend the other night, and we talked about relationships and guys. she actually said "honestly, i think there are more amazing girls than there are guys. Many times, I'll look at a girl and say, Wow, she's perfect. Whoever she's with is really lucky. For guys, not so much."

I'll admit that I can see some really good guys in my group of guy friends, but I can also vouch for where she's coming from.

no, i've never been in a relationship, and i haven't had a crush in a long time. i'm starting to lose hope and possibly making the excuse that i'm not completely satisfied with myself yet, and that's the reason why i haven't been able to be in one, or find a compatible guy. Another excuse is also with the school I'm attending, but it hasn't stopped a lot of my friends. Let's not get into the insecurities in this entry.

I'd like to see what love feels like...in terms of having a significant other. I want to experience saying "I love you," and totally meaning it.


am I being totally confusing and contradicting myself? what i've just written is essentially the thoughts of love and relationships that have been floating around in my mind lately. it's getting kind of lonely in that aspect, as my friends engage themselves in new relationships and look so happy. I'm happy for them too, of course, since I think that's the most important thing in life (being happy, and doing what makes you happy, as long as you're not hurting someone else).


haha, I've been listening to a lot of Elliot Yamin's "Fight for Love," and Keri Hilson's "Knocks You Down"